Jokes I Told My Therapist Plus Cartoons, Tall Tales, and Funny True Stories

 

Written and Illustrated by

Philip Copitch, Ph.D.

This adult book is filled with funny jokes, tall tales, true stories, and cartoons. We start with jokes that are great to tell children. Then we grow into teen humor, until we hit full laugh with adult humor.

In this book you will find some old favorites and learn lots of new jokes. Some are great for work meetings, others are for poker games or bars. There are jokes for all occasions.

If you have ever been offended by an off color joke, don’t read the chapter of jokes that my wife has forbidden me to ever tell again. (And maybe other parts too. The kids joke chapter is safe.)

Laughter is good for you… So start taking better care of yourself, a friend, or a loved one. Laughter is good medicine.

If you have trouble telling jokes I have also added a few tips on how to “play” the audience. Jokes are great icebreakers, useful in all parts of our lives. Teachers, clergy, and salespeople can set the feeling in the room with the right joke.

 

Paperback: 300 pages

ISBN-13: 978-1469955841

9 x 6 inches

 

Table Of Contents

 

1. Jokes to tell to kids (Rated G)

My intent with this section is to offer jokes adults can tell to children. I hope you enjoy watching them laugh. When telling jokes to kids it is best to oversell the punch line. Large gestures and big smiles let kids get into the moment. Show me a few

 

2. Back talk jokes - great for teens (PG13)

When I was a kid, when TV was black and white and kids would use one-upmanship to win power on the playground, the world was simpler. A little wit and fast talk ruled. The worst thing you could do was to demean someone’s mother, so… a lot of effort was put into attacking someone’s mother with style. Show me a few

 

3. Jokes you should never tell children

I do not believe in censorship except on a personal level. I don't want a government telling anybody what they can or cannot read. However, if locker room talk isn’t funny to you, please skip this chapter. If you have ever been offended, please do not read chapter 3.  Show me some clean jokes from this category

 

4. Tall tales

These are tall, tall, tales, but fun.

 

5. True stories

It is often stated, “truth is stranger than fiction.” This section proves that saying to be true. Most of these stories happened to me and my family. The rest happened to patients, friends or colleagues. I’ll tell you which are which, but when it comes to patients, friends and colleagues I have changed the names to protect their ids, egos, and in some cases super egos.

 

6. Jokes my wife forbade me from telling again

My bride of almost 25 years tends to have a good sense of humor. Most of the time she puts up with my jokes and antics. On a few occasions she has even participated with my practical jokes. On a rare occasion, when I tell a joke that she perceives as tawdry, she will call me by my complete first name, “Philip!” and indicate with a look of motherly disdain how disappointed she is in my choices. I assume she expects me to refrain from telling the offending joke again...

 

7. In closing, my favorite jokes

I am constantly asked what is my favorite joke. This is a tough question because it depends on my mood and the audience. Please don't judge me too harshly, but here are my favorite jokes.

 

8. Encore Cartoons

A look inside the mind of a shrink.

Show me the Table of Contents

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A few kid jokes and cartoons

Jokes for kids of all ages.

What do you get from an elephant’s nose?

Two ten foot boogers!

How do you catch a unique bunny rabbit?

You neek up on it.

“Grandpa, in school they taught me to sneeze into my elbow,” Carlos said. “How come you just sneeze into your hand?”

“That way I can catch my teeth,” grandpa said.

 

Fun for kids of all ages, young in years as well as young at heart.

What is the most expensive type of fish in the whole wide world?

A goldfish.

Why do kids have to go to bed?

Because the bed won’t come to them!

Your child will love the short story jokes.

“My dog is so smart, he knows lots of words,” Bobby told his friends.

“No he isn’t… he’s just a dog,” one friend said.

“No really,” Bobby said. “He is really smart, watch!”

“Bounder, what’s on the top of a house?”

“Roof.”

“What’s the stuff around trees called?”

“Bark, bark.”

“What do you say if you see an owl carry off a cow?

“How owl?”

“What do you say if you see a really pretty girl poodle?”

“Bow,Wow, Wooow!”

“Now Bounder, this one is really hard,” Bobby told his dog. “What does sandpaper feel like?”

“Ruff, Ruff!”

 

What joke did you like?

(colorized cartoons are from the iPad version)

 

A few teen jokes

 

Yo momma’s so fat she had to get baptized at Sea World.

 

Yo momma’s so fat when she walks across the room the iPod skips.

 

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

It’s cute, but can you really breathe through that little thing?

 

How do you circumcise a whale?

Send down four skin divers.

 

 

 

A few adult jokes

 

I can't give you an example of the jokes in the adult only chapters... This is a child friendly website, but if you have ever been offended don't read this book.

 

Here are a few PG-13 jokes and cartoons.

 

Joke 317:

One parent approached another parent at the school bus stop.

“I need to talk to you about your son,” the parent said angrily, “It seems that your son is playing doctor with my Bethany!”

“It’s normal for 7-year-olds to be curious about sex,” the second parent smiled.

“Sex!” the first parent screamed. “He took out Bethany’s appendix!”

 

Joke 322:

Hymie told his oldest friend that he was marrying a 27 year old stripper from Poughkeepsie.

“But Hymie,” his friend said, “you’re 82 for God’s sake!”

“So, I’m 82, I have needs. I have my health!”

“Sure,” said his friend, “But what if on your honeymoon… during all that whoop-ti doop-ti… well you know——maybe a heart attack or a stroke, God forbid.”

Hymie thought about it a minute, “Well, if she dies, she dies.”

 

Joke 396:

Rabbi Fineberg and Father O’Riley are talking about the difficulties of serving God, their chosen professions.

“I don’t mean to pry Father,” said Rabbi Fineberg, “But have you ever been with a woman?”

“Alas just once,” the Father said in a hushed tone, “Before I was ordained.”

“Well old friend, so you’re the person I can ask,” said Rabbi Fineberg. “It’s better than ham don’t you think?”

 

Tell me a joke, please...

Jokes I Told My Therapist, Plus Cartoons

By Philip Copitch Ph.D.

Buy now....................................

Paperback: List: $15.99 see lowest price at AMAZON

Kindle: Sale Price  Kindle Unlimited: Free

Tell me a joke, please...

This joke is rated PG but told by an MD so it's probably OK?

 

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